So earlier this year, WalMart began touting how green they were.
Isn’t this the same company that was busted letting construction waste pollute the river for months on end, requiring court injunctions to stop leeching their crap into our drinking water? Just saying.
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Banquet TV Dinners: your family isn’t shocked that it’s so cheap, they’re shocked that you are.
There are so many things wrong with this commercial I don’t know where to start. (I’m currently looking for footage, but it’s a new commercial.)
In this 30-second slab of crap, a ‘mother’ serves her family Banquet TV dinners. For some reason, they’re amazed at the presentation, and the father insists that dinner must have cost too much (a sign that he needs to hit a grocery store more often).
“Nope,” says Mom smugly. “It cost a buck fifty.”
Shock comes over the family’s faces. The voiceover goes on to say that the shock of how little Banquet TV dinners cost will cause you to have to help them get it down, while Mom proceeds to treat Dad like a 2-year-old (my favorite), feeding him the food using the Airplane trick, something else that for some reason is still used in hundreds of commercials in 2008 like it still exists. I have yet to go out with a man that required my help spooning his food in, let alone one that’s never been inside a grocery store. But that’s a post for another day. (probably tomorrow)
Look, it’s not shocking because the food is cheap. It’s shocking because YOU are, Mom.
I realize times may be tough for some people. But seriously, Banquet TV dinners are shit. There’s a reason they only cost a dollar fifty. Think about it. Banquet TV dinners are made by ConAgra, a corporation (and not one known for a consistent record of ethical business practices). That’s right, folks. A corporation. And any company with an Inc. at the end of it, as far as the Sarcastic Marketer is concerned, is not your buddy, not doing you any favors, not concerned with your health the way they are about profits.
So let’s look at that $1.50, shall we? ConAgra naturally and understandably expects to make a profit off of these things. Take out costs to make, employee pay, shipping, and marketing, and how much of that $1.50 is left for the executive cookie jars?
Not much. So think about how cheap it’s gotta get made to increase that margin. On an assembly line. With hundreds of hands touching it on its way to a box.
Just think about it for a moment. I’ll wait.
Now…do you really want to put that shit in your kids’ bodies?
If you need to eat cheap but well, try another route. Yes, it involves a little prep work, god forbid, but they work. They’re called beans, rice, grains, soups. You’re going to pay to eat right one way or another–either by eating right from the start and feeling good, or eating like shit and paying the doctor to fix the atherosclerosis/high cholesterol/irritable bowel syndrome etc that develops from all the junk you ingest. There’s a reason you feel like crap after eating processed foods!
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Welcome, welcome!
Welcome to the Sarcastic Marketer. Here I’ll espouse my views on all things marketing, to take the spin out of the crap, and tell you just how things really work. This place will also be full of my opinions; a snakry look at the facts as I present them along with various eyerolls and irritation at the lies marketing departments tell and the brainwashing they attempt to accomplish in an effort to get you, the unwitting consumer, to buy their products.
I will start by declaring a moratorium on the word ‘pop’ being used to describe, well, just about anything. I’m tired of hearing people talk about doing this or that to make this or that ‘pop’. Ugh. It’s done, folks, nothing to see here, time to move on.
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